When it's hard

Tough

When I was a kid growing up in the 1970s, girls were given Barbie Dolls, and we boys often were given these.

Now, I’ll be honest and say I was never attracted to these testosterone-laden toys. Back then the ‘gripping hands’ and the flock hair never did it for me, and even now I don’t subscribe to the ‘pleasure through pain’ or ‘no cake without breaking eggs’ school of thought.

But, a conversation this week caused me to rethink the value of toughness.

I was chatting to two architects, from different firms, one in his 30s, let’s call him Dan, the other in his 20s, let’s call him Ken. Ken gives off an air of focussed ambition and after Dan left, he commented, “You know, Dan’s firm is tough. He teaches at university, and he’s renowned for being tough there too. They do great work”.

Ken said this with a broad smile of admiration.

This resonated because we’ve all come through COVID in the past three years. That was tough - for everyone in different ways. I’m encouraging my 14yo son to persist with homework even when he’s confused or tired. That’s tough too. And, I’m learning tennis by playing against opponents much better than me. That’s tough, to be beaten routinely.

So, was Action Man actually teaching toughness? I still don’t think he was - and why only to the boys?

Question: When is ‘tough’ gold?

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A hail of bullets

And, yet, the way we live today is anything but tough in comparison to times past.

In WWI's Western Front trenches, you could be court-martialled for desertion, losing your weapon, or even falling asleep on sentry duty. The punishment was severe: death by firing squad. 306 men suffered this in the British Army. 

Who formed this squad though? Your own regiment, of course. To avoid crushing morale, 4 - 6 soldiers were assigned the task, half of whom had 'non-live' ammunition. As the hail of bullets hit their target, nobody knew whose bullet had done the work. 

On one of my numerous trips to Indonesia, we had an experience of healthcare that was like this. My wife had some nasty bronchial symptoms and was prescribed four different medicines (including a hospital-strength post-operative antibiotic). She took them all and, the next day was feeling much better.

Which worked? We don't know. Could fewer have worked? Probably. 

But is this how your services are designed? Many overlapping interventions, some of which are just rubber bullets?

Question: How do you know what’s really contributing to the success of your work with your customers?

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Sorry

Most Australians by now would have seen the furore surrounding First Nations journalist, Stan Grant. Our Head of State, King Charles III was recently crowned, and Grant, as an employee of our national broadcaster, the ABC, was assigned to cover it.

Except there was a problem. It didn’t appear that the ABC fully anticipated his remarks about the “exterminating war” declared on his people, the Wiradjuri tribe, in the name of the crown. Nor did the ABC then back him. Grant’s view was that “institutional failure” led to a belated expression of support from ABC’s leaders. In the meantime, Grant suffered unprecedented racist vitriol online.

It was too much. And, so he graciously walked away from his hosting of Q&A, a popular and, at times, controversial social issues talk show.

Here are his parting words:

The point that strikes me in this issue is the conception of ‘sorry’. Listen to what Grant says, referencing a Gadigul word: “I’m sorry. That’s what yindyamarra means. It’s not just a word.”

He then explains the concept behind the word because it is laden with much more meaning than the one-dimensional atonement that the English word ‘sorry’ contains: “It means I’m not just responsible for what I do, but what you do. It is sacred. It is respect.”

Yindyamarra is a concept that Grant has carried into another of his public roles, the Chair of Indigenous Affairs at Charles Sturt University. There, "Yindyamarra Winhanganha" means "the wisdom of respectfully knowing how to live well in a world worth living in".

But there’s a bigger issue at play here, strategically.

Grant himself said the deeper reason for his departure is this: the ABC, and the media generally, has not systematised the safe expression of diverse views. If I were advising the ABC, I’d be suggesting they need to hold internal reflective dialogues on ‘big issues’ (not just this one) and ensure their people can express and channel views that will polarise and challenge their audiences.

The media does not have this language of ‘sorry’ let alone the systematisation of diverse views, so Grant is taking a break. I wish him well.

Question: How do you systematically provide safe spaces for diverse views so that we all ‘live well in a world worth living in’?

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If you’ve enjoyed reading, please click the ‘heart’ to let me know, and of course, the best thing you can do is have conversations with others about the questions above.

I hope your week ahead isn’t too hard, but that you can reflect on the power of a well-placed apology until we meet again next Friday.

Andrew